DIANA DORS publicity photograph

 

Despite her phenomenal looks and no small amount of acting talent Diana Dors was unable to successfully transition from being a huge star in her native Britain to making it big at Hollywood. This was partly due to the promotional tactics used by her then-husband Desmond Hamilton to such success with the British tabloids going down less well in Hollywood, partly due to bad luck and partly due to Dors herself. The actress was frequently torn between the need to keep her profile and commercial appeal high and her desire to show off her underrated thespian abilities and as a result her filmography is a car-crash of the wrong films at the wrong time.

BEGGARS OF LIFE film poster

 

Louise Brooks was far too smart and dynamic for Hollywood, which never really knew what to do with her. Her best role in America probably remains the cross-dressing runaway Nancy in William Wellman's Beggars of Life, though only the silent version has survived. Not only did it give her a great role but we also got this super poster out of it.

CO☆STAR THE ACTING GAME Album Cover

Before the advent of home video record companies were always looking of new things to put on vinyl. Roulette Records, whose mob backing was an open secret, hit on the idea of Co☆Star. The premise was faintly brilliant - a film star would record one half of the dialogue and the liner notes had the script for the other, allowing you to interact with them at home. The stars were an eclectic bunch, ranging from Sir Cedric Hardwicke to June Havoc but surely the pick of the lot is the one containing the rich, sinister tones of Vincent Price. You should have known the grave would never hold him.

ANGELYNE promotional photograph

Angelyne remains one of the most interesting curios of the eighties. Variously described in modern media as an early influencer or a model she was really neither. As a failing singer she fell in with the entrepreneur Hugo Maisnik,  who erected billboards all over LA bearing her bimbo form in various poses. Despite looking like oversized prostitute calling cards both the billboards and her pink Corvette gained her a degree of very local notoriety. Despite gaining an enthusiastic fan club and the billboards becoming a Hollywood landmark, Angelyne was totally unable to make any sort of serious career out of music or acting despite the publicity barrage.

MAGNUM FORCE film poster

The decision to turn the superb Dirty Harry into a film franchise prefigured the modern industry's fixation with flogging horses, though at least he didn't share a universe with John Klute or anything. Still, while Magnum Force lacked the snap and wit Don Siegel brought to things it did manage this poster, with the titular hand-cannon exaggerated to an absurdly fetishistic fashion. 

Spider-Man film poster

Outside of North America a live-action webslinger first appeared in cinemas in 1977, as the CBS TV movie was - like many lavish network pilots of the time - released theatrically in the rest of the world. The movie pitted Nicholas Hammond's far-too-old Peter Parker against arguably Spidey's greatest foe, the iconic Guru. Unsurprisingly Hammond was well up for appearing in No Way Home. Unsurprisingly Marvel Studios weren't. 

Joan Bradshaw publicity photograph

Despite this almost iconic 1957 shoot with Earl Leaf, Texas-born model Joan Bradshaw never converted her impressive body into an equally impressive body of work. She racked up just ten largely uncredited bit parts in a six-year acting career before turning to the girly mags, and retired in 1963 after getting hitched to a very lucky film producer.

Promises! Promises! film poster

The speed at which Jayne Mansfield went from the heir to Marilyn Monroe to B-Movie wastrel was breakneck. Her willingness to push the sexual envelope spooked studio execs fearful of a backlash to her amorous self-promotion, and when the sixties rolled around the dizzy blonde suddenly fell out of fashion. Left unattended by major studios Jayne leaned into the trash, culminating in Promises, Promises. The sex comedy was the first time a major film was promoted overtly on the back of the main star getting them out. The gambit was a mixed success - the film did well at the box office but took away any chance of a serious acting career.

Herbie Fully Loaded film poster

Maybe if the film had been as good as the poster the lovely Lindsay Lohan wouldn't have self-destructed quite so badly.

Skyscraper film poster

After better-than-expected turns in The Hudsucker Proxy and the third Naked Gun film, former Playmate Anna Nicole Smith made a play for an unlikely film career by starring in some very mid-90s action thrillers. After To the Limit tanked, Skyscraper went direct to video. A low-budget Die Hard clone with a title clearly chosen to evoke the star's admittedly spectacular bosom, it's worth a look for fans of cleavage and any who enjoys watching game models miles out of their depth.

Clara Bow publicity photograph

An early 1920s portrait by Alfred Cheney Johnston, taken before the silent screen beauty was catapulted to mega-stardom by her role in the 1927 flapper classic It.

Love Before Breakfast film poster

The poster for Walter Lang's romantic comedy is still striking some ninety years later due to the marvellous shiner being sported by Carole Lombard. Thankfully nothing so lurid happened in the film itself.

Call Me Dragon film poster

Brucesploitation is one of the crazier mini- industries that have sprung up. For the uninitiated Bruce Lee made martial arts movies massive in 1973 before promptly dying after only making two of them. The prolific Hong Kong film industry and Western promoters filled the gap by slinging out anything kung-fu they had, usually retitled to sound a bit like Bruce Lee films. More incredibly actors were even renamed so they sounded a bit like they were called Bruce Lee, which worked a treat considering there were so many plans to finish Game of Death. Both films and stars were renamed for different markets too; Call Me Dragon starred neither Bruce Lee nor Bruce Li (a.k.a. Ho Chang-to) but instead Bruce Leung. Still, a guy who can karate chop someone so hard his eye pops out can call himself anything he likes...

Miss Jockey advert

Promoted in movie magazines by Paramount, Miss Jockey was due to be another vehicle for the very popular Bebe Daniels in 1927. However the film was never made and very little else is known about it, with conflicting reports as to whether it entered production. 

10 RILLINGTON PLACE film poster

Despite the schlocky poster this true-to-life British crime film is an excellent watch, with Richard Attenborough unsettling as fusspot serial killer John Reginald Christie and John Hurt staggering as fall guy Timothy Evans.